Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
