When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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