i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
