the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
