she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
