that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
