and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
