I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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