I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The Olympian is in my bed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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