Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
how drunk are you?
Several
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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