im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
