is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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