Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
