The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i out mim tonsoeep
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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