ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
