I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
