Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I die, sorry about rent.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
