I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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