I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
