You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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