i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
