They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
