her vagine was all disorganized.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
