I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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