batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
