Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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