LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
