Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
