I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
