I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
