In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
