dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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