are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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