she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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