well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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