so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
