Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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