Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
