there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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