3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
