got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Randomize
