we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
