You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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