We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
