Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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