I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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