what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
