I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
