I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
