I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
