I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
