I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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