Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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